Kleptomania (also spelled cleptomania) (Greek: κλέπτειν, kleptein, "to steal", μανία, "mania") is the condition of not being able to resist the urge to collect or hoard things.

First off, I guess I can start by saying my kleptomania began to appear around when I was 17 and continued onto my latter high school days. I was well known for pilfering the art class supply around, a gold mine of unwatched supplies that I would take every so often. Yet even that wasn't enough. I grew bored of such easy stealing and began impersonating others to gain access to events or areas that would be normally of limits to the average person. My usually disguise was a photographer for the school newspaper, a disguise that I executed with great precision. Granted, I had a forged ID to prove I had membership. When I had gained access to where I wanted to go I would normally act out my character for so long until I saw the opening to leave and find any goods I saw fit. I was never caught, even while I did garner some suspicion from a teacher of mine, and saddenly was unable to continue my pilferage with my graduation from High School.

Certainly with the golden opputunibtes the school had given me to appease my kleptomaniac desires now gone it seemed logically to think my kleptomania would simply fade away. On the contrary, it became more creative. From unattended umbrellas to stuffing rockstars in my backpack I had found alternatives to continue my stealing habits. Generally it never bothers me to take something that isn't mine, I usually put the blame on the owner for not taking better watch of their valuables, and thus I continue to this day bragging to friends about my pilfered treasures and giving tips on how they themselves can steal and get away with it.

My thefts typically were petty, but lately they've growing in significant value. The thrill simply isn't there when stealing something as little as pen and I've been going so far as casual shoplifting finding holes in the security and then exploiting them later on. My current system of theft at the mall is simply going to lost and found and asking for any merchandise in particular.

"Excuse me I lost my phone."

They never ever seem to bother and ask for any details and in most cases just show me the box full of found valuables and just let me pick out whats mine. So far I've been doing it for a month and haven't been caught.

Given my impulsive habits I figure I'm bound to get caught, so I'm enjoying as much as I can right now before that day comes and the police officer pulls me over and I just say "What did I do wrong?"

Things I've stolen

  • Umbrellas
  • Books
  • an mp3 player
  • candy
  • a lot of writing utensils
  • paint
  • paint bushes
  • Rockstars
  • Various art supplies
  • paper
  • a psp
  • a camera
  • clothes
  • food
  • lighters
  • cigarettes
  • Toothpaste

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