Dead Space



So, I was watching the news (something I try to avoid, given you can get far more accurate information from some online publications as well as the Daily Show and Colbert Report) and apparently the various stations believe Canada is just super-excited to have Kate and Prince Snaggletooth Cromsby Crumpetworth or whatever his bloody name is (they all look the same to me, probably because the British Royal Family has more inbreeding in it then the Hapsburg's) touring our great land; I wanted to let you know nothing could be further from the truth: In reality, most Canadians are just "meh" about this whole hullabaloo, instead doing more important things like having the world's most polite riot and producing genetic monstrosities.

See, the problem is the American and British media has only looked at the response in two places: Quebec and PEI. In PEI, literally hundreds of people (hey, we have a national population lower then that of the greater Los Angeles area, cut us some slack) are just freaking the hell out about this, while, of course, the Québécois are getting all pissy about the monarchy because they don't seem to understand that neither the British monarchy or government has any authority over Canada anymore. First off, PEI is literally the worst place in Canada, it is a ball of mud with mosquitoes and backwater heathens; nothing ever happens there, EVER. As such, whenever anything even slightly different happens, of course the Islanders just freak the hell out, it's a change from building mud walls or fighting platypi. Or something. Second, the people of Quebec are DICKS, they are never, ever happy about ANYTHING. Seriously, they were dicks to goddamn Terry Fox, which is about as asshole a move as you can pull; I wouldn't be surprised if those fuckers are behind his "memorial day" involving Canadian schoolchildren having to run around a field for an hour.

Really, if anything, the very fact the couple reached Prince Edward Island is a testament to Canadian apathy about the whole affair, as we would have certainly warned them off or blown up their ship or something before it reached PEI's shores if we cared, anything to save them the horror of having to be present or even anywhere near that damned place (FUN FACT: Rougetsu Island from FF4 was based on PEI, and the events of the game based on the inhabitants' daily lives). However, while it's clear Canadians couldn't really give a plink-plonkin' fig about this, the fact that the UK and US seem to believe we are somehow super-interested in the British monarchy IS something we care about. I will have you know that we firmly stand by our independence from the crown here in Canada, honouring the memory of the Canadian Revolution; many petticoats were ruffled during its two-hour duration, in which our forefathers drunkenly mumbled through thick, bristly mustaches at one another in a conference room until we had finally decided we wanted to be independent. It is that spirit of civility, politeness, and drunkeness that ensured Canada's independence from England, and it is these drunken and nigh-insane values that have guided our decisions to the very day. Especially spider-goat.

--Haegemonia(talk) 14:08, July 4, 2011 (UTC)

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