Authors note: Heag, this is for you dude.


I choose to believe it came out in the winter actually.

Hello everyone.

Yes today we’ll focus on James Cameron’s epic film ‘Avatar’. Again I know a lot of people have seen this film and have their opinions on it. This is my take.

This film isn’t bad, BUT it doesn’t deserve the awards it got for it. It’s not a original story, though you can blame the script being written 12 years beforehand, the 3d gimmick which pisses me off to no end found it’s birth here and I feel myself caring more about the humans then the friggin’ Na’vi.

I saw this film twice, one normal and one in 3D just for the heck of it. The first time I saw it with my sister because I was back home for the holidays and wanted to give this film a shot and once more in January with my girlfriend in 3d.

I can tell you now there is no bloody difference, even with the re-release that came out recently with ‘new’ footage that should belong on the DVD’s content of deleted scenes. 3D is a gimmick, an annoying gimmick that only takes money off you. If you want to see a film, fine go see it in normal 2d but don’t give Hollywood their giggles by buying a 3d ticket!

But enough about that, let’s talk about the movie shall we?

This film actually starts of very cool, because everything is cooler IN SPAAAAAAAAACE. Why do you think ‘Pigs in Space’ was the best sketch of the Muppet Show? I have to admit these ships look really cool and the distance between Pandora and Earth does leave a lot to the imagination.

What were the pilots doing for 6 years? I mean there’s only so much you can do in space before you go bat shit insane. I mean look at Dead Space, Poor Isaac went mental! Then again I think the space zombies helped.


Here we get introduced to our main character, Jake Sully , one bad ass marine that no doubt came to Pandora to kick alien ass and chew bubblegum…and they ran outta aliens on Earth! Except he cant walk anymore......well legs are overrated anyway, Chuck Norris doesn’t need legs to do a roundhouse kick!


Anyways Jake gets send to Pandora because his twin brother got a cap popped in his ass back on good ol’ Holy Terra. His twin was part of a Avatar project, a project which mentally links a human driver to an Avatar, a genetically made being that resemble Pandora’s natives, the Na’vi.

These guys. [img]'vi.jpg[/img]

Yes they are blue native american (pandora?) cat-smurf militants who are suffering from the (white) human’ encroachment on their lands by superior technological means and building schools with human values to teach the Na’vi to speak English.

[img][/img] SUBTLE!

And here is a big disconnect with me on this film…i’m not a American so therefore I’m not as committed with ‘feeling bad’ for the Na’vi. Us Belgians, Flemish even, do not care about the outside world and only let the Germans win in WWI and II because we wanted to give them a chance while we watched and waited.

Of course my British girlfriend doesn’t have that side since...Well the British were pretty dickish when America got assimilated-I mean colonized.


Back to the plot, so Jake gets booted up to be an Avatar and since he isn’t a dorky science nerd like his brother, he gets to be on armed detail. So you got a blue cat super soldier running around shooting at every nasty bugger that looks at him. Bad ass right?

The beasties at Pandora are fucking brutal man! For a planet we’re supposed to feel marvel and wonder for, these creatures are more lethal then a Terminator when he’s having a bad day! They can take bullets like they’re made out of straw or sugar or something!

I don’t know what went wrong between 2010 and 2154, but our weapons are pretty lethal man. Those things would be pretty dead with a few armour piercing rounds. There is no way in hell these creatures could’ve produced such a thick armour, no way.

As you can see I LOVED the humans in this one, especially this guy.


The term badass was re-defined when Colonel Miles Quaritch came into the picture. I know he is the bad guy, but god damnit I love him! Seriously if he was with the marines in Aliens, they would’ve whooped out that infestation faster then you can say ‘I want this mission high and tight. I want to be home for dinner.’

I just love him, he’s so hurrah Marine with a xenophobic attitude to alien life, I identify with him like I identified with every other space marine in every SF film I saw.

Everyone on this base, every one of you, is fighting for survival, and that's a fact. There's an aboriginal horde out there massing for an attack. These orbital images tell me that the hostile numbers have gone from a few hundred, to well over two thousand in one day. And more are pouring in. In a week's time there could be 20,000 of them. At that point they will overrun our perimeter. That's not gonna happen. Our only security lies in preemptive attack. We will fight terror with terror. The hostiles believe that this mountain territory is protected by their... diety. And when we destroy it, we will blast a crater in their racial memory so deep, that they won't come within 100 clicks of this place ever again. And that, too, is a fact. -Colonel Quaritch

How can you not follow the guy?! I mean really?!

What’s even more cool is the guy has a mecha suit to himself right, but he’s the only guy badass enough who decides to give his suit a knife as well, like the suit wasn’t cool enough on itself!

Colonel Quaritch: Yeah, it’s pretty cool, but you know what this suit needs? A big fucking knife. Armoury Quartermaster: But sir, we have assault weaponry, nothing could possibly get close to CQC. Col Quatritch: That’s right, and that’s why I’m going after them myself, I want to kill the bastard dumb enough to think of me as prey and shove the knife through his beating heart, rip it out and feed it to him. Quartermaster: ...that’s pretty badass sir. Col Quaritch: –lits a cigar- Pandora thinks it’s though? They haven’t met me yet. –exhales the gray smoke- Let’s show them Na’vi how we deal with troublemakers back home. Quartermaster: guns sir? Col Quaritch: Belgium makes more then just waffles son.

Hell, Ellen Riply is in this as well!


Science this!

All the Na’vi have is this douchebag who keeps being a douchebag because…Well that’s it. Yes there is character development and he becomes a nicer character..but I still want to punch him in the face.

So Jake suits up in his avatar thingy and ends up getting lost after a mission and gets saved by his love interest Neytiri which takes him to her tribe where he persuades them to make him a Na’vi.

Yeh I don’t get this relationship...we’re talking about a chick who falls in love with a guy who comes from a totally different background then her, speaks a other language, and when she first saw him, she tried to waste him!

Yeh, this makes Anakin’s and Padme’s relationship look more understandable! However the relationship improving over time does pull my heart strings as well as the training montage where Jake becomes better at being a Na’vi.

As for the love scene....pfff.....well I saw worse.


God damn you Rule 34….

Anyways the humans come in and lay waste to the rainforest. The Na’vi don’t like that idea because their connection to nature is very complex and deep, like the human brain. So Jake teams up with the Na’vi, ahduuuuh , and leads a successful attack on the humans which drives them off the planet.

Now.....I have to admit the fight scene at the end was awesome...but again, I was cheering for the humans. I know I’m a horrible man, a scourge upon many virtual worlds...and I’m no different upon movies. I would probably be the first jerk who opens fire on the Na’vi and shoot like a drunken hillbilly while cheering racial slurs among the lines of ‘eat lead you overgrown cat smurfs!’ or ‘Smurf this!’.

Now what do I personally think of this film? It’s rather good, defiantly worth checking out, and if you don’t mind the stereotypes and such you’ll be fine.

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