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Gorvar reviews: Bakugan

Gorvar July 26, 2010 User blog:Gorvar

Bakugan (and a rage on any game anime series ever)

Greetings everyone, today we are going to look into the shitfest which is known as Bakugan: Battle Brawlers.

To those who do not know Bakugan is a anime series based on a game (a la Yu-gi-oh or Bay Blade) where it's up to a group of teens to save the world. Simple right? So why do I hate it, again very simple...this anime laughs at you and insults your intelligence every single fucking minute your watching!

First of the premise of the show is fucking stupid. It opens with one day marbles that pop up into monsters drop down from the sky along with special cards. Of course only kids and some creepy adults pick these up and suddenly make a game about it! There are no (real) scientists looking into where the hell these things come from or no military asking around if there were any airplanes hired by some crazy rich asian motherfucker to drop them to promote this new game.

Somehow rules are made and everyone is playing this, you know how? By opening the depths of hell themselves and freezing time around them! If you start a game a purple orb engulfs the two player and stops time anytime on the entire planet, or just the area, they never explain.

This brings up my 1st in the name of Santa's Balls are these rules made, or hell even made sure they would be followed? There are no manuals the characters go back to if there is a problem, nobody checks it on the internet, fucking nothing!

As far as I know you have three marble monsters, which can talk to you of course, you can use during the game. You lose them all, bam game over. Each monster has it's ATK power which you can buff up with power up cards or the cards which the marbles are stood on to further buff up the ATK power. However they dont delve further into this game I mean, how many cards can you have in your deck, is there even a deck, how come some marbles talk and others cant or wont? What s the difference between 'banishing' marbles from simply taking them out of the game?

Also the game is full of fucking cheating, there has been many times during a show i called bullshit because the powers were very unfair and overpowered. Seriously if this was a rl tournament half of those cards would be disqualified!

But right enough about the game, let's talk about the characters.

Our main character Dan is a douchebag clone mixed from Tai from Digimon, Tyson from Bey Blade and Ash from Pokemon. Like Ash he is bland as hell and has no personality other then being the best Pokemon Trainer ever, or Bakugan master, whatever.

What is most surprising is that the core group of main protagonists are actually girls. In every other anime series, Sailor Moon and Card Captors excluded, it's been mostly men.

Do they take advantage of this though? Do they gave proper headstrong-ness into these characters? Give proper respect to women? Noooooo, of course not, they sexualize 12 year olds by wearing mini skirts, showing their navels and fight over Dan like animals. What is also very hilarious is that they suck at playing that dumb ass game while Dan is always the best. I saw better representations of feminism in Twilight in the form of Bella.....

And like in every anime show you need the silent bad ass who doesn't say much but when he speaks you better fucking listen or you'll get owned so bad even Alderaan's destruction by the Deathstar would seem insignificant to the beat down you'll get. Dragon Ball Z had Vegeta and Piccolo, Bey Blade had Kai and Sonic X had Shadow. In this shitfest of a show we have Shun, one of the best Bakugan players ever who hails FROM A FUCKING FAMILY OF NINJA'S.


A person who can hide in the shadows and end your ass before you even know you had a accident wastes his time instead of perfecting his skills in the deadly arts by playing a fucking game of marbles with Monsters! What. The. Hell?! But then again he is not a real ninja, who the hell would wear a purple jacket if he goes ninja-ing anyway, nor does he even use his skills once to help the party. if your a ninja, you dont go around telling your a ninja, coughNarutocough, and even if you are you can easily sneak in the antagonist's hideout and wack him, ending the series on episode 10!

It's fucking bullshit!

And dont give me 'Anime's for kids aren't supposed to be dark like that' because Sailor Moon is killing monsters ever since episode 1 and Yu-gi-oh had several scenes were someone pulled a gun or fucking machine rifles at the main cast.

Also he has issues with his mum dying and we get treated to a lot of emo moments. Oh his mum is the best, you know why? On her deathbed instead of telling her son she loves him and always will watch over him from above, or tell him to become a great ninja one day, she uses the last ounces of her strength to give him one of those fucking marbles!

I never understood the drama behind these kinds of shows! In Bey Blade one of the characters nearly froze to death after he jumped in cold water to save his toy while in Yu-gi-oh people get killed for a god damn children's trading card!

And the money in that show they waste on is unbelievable. One of the characters is a millionaire and literally asks her butler to take their private jumbo jet to cruise around the world to duel with people! Or to find clues why these monsters came here or some bullshit...

Anyway back on topic, of course these marbles are really monsters that hail from a other dimension. in that dimension one nasty monster wants to take over the world of course and to do that he decides to open a rift between our world and theirs. How? Why? Nobody knows and quite frankly nobody cares. The only thing that really matters in these games is to LEVEL UP their marbles so they can stop the bad guy in this show to level up his marbles.

There is zero to no characterization or development in this show, those games always take the forefront and none of the rules make any sense.

My opinion? The moment you see this show on your tv change the channel to a Oprah re-run, it might not be that good, but at elast you get to hear proper stories that make sense.

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