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Gorvar Reviews: Transformers 3 - Dark of the Moon. (Sort of)

Gorvar June 29, 2011 User blog:Gorvar

Hey guys. I just saw Transformer's 3 and well, since I hated the previous one and i reviewed the previous one, i'll just give you my two cents here. Note it's very spoiler heavy, so if you dont want to get your appetite ruined, now is your chance to leave.

You sure?

Last chance?

Come on, you chicken?]

Sorry bout that, let's go.

This movie starts awesomeless enough during the Cybertron war where the leader of the Autobots, Sentinel Prime ( Optimus' mentor), and his ark are fleeing the planet to find resources to rebuild Cybertron However his ship get's shot up by the decepticons and it crahses on Earth's moon in 1961. I dont know why it takes so long since Optimus himself said the wars lasted thousands of years, but there you go. So the Americans go to the moon to figure out what crashed there, and they found the ship They take some things along, but mostly keep it under wraps

So cut to today where the Autobots and their human allies find part of the engine in Chernobyl The reason why that disaster took place is becuse aparantly the russians tried to tamper with it.

Anyway, when they grab the engine they get attacked by Shockwave, this new evil decepticon. they beat him off or something, i dunno why he attacked. I do like Soundwave because he can summon this...worm like thing that can level entire cities and swallow things whole. It's really cool and fun to watch.

So when they discover the engine, the CIA find out about what Nasa found and the Autobots go to the moon to find the ship, and a in stasis Sentinel Prime Optimus boots him back up and everything is honkey dory, except Sam and all find out the ship is missing those pillars that can create a bridge between Cybertron and Earth.

The Predacons have collected most of those pillars and waited for Sentinel Prime to reboot so they can make a gateway to Cybertorn and call on their buddies there and rebuild it. So the Autobots all go to protect Sentinel Prime, however Sentinel breaks ranks and takes leadership over the Predacons because....urghm...dunno. for a leader of the Autobots, Sentinel is very different from Optimus to say the least. He wants to rebuild Cybertorn at any cost, but killing off a few of your own kind and enslaving mankind? Yeh, kinda far.

It all sounds exciting, but that's because i'm leaving the stuff out with Sam Witwicky, like always the human story really pisses me off. He's trying to find a job and shit and Oh, you know his girlfriend the first two movies right? He got over it and is shagging an english woman, an former English ambasador no less. Also, Obama is in this movie. so are Nixon and JFK. Also Lincoln's statue gets blown up by Magatron so he can sit on the chair.

The only thing the girlfriend gets done is getting captured by the human bad guy and sam has to go get her. The previous girlfriend broke up with Sam, despite the unprofessed love when he died in the alst one (shoudl've stayed dead) and not even the parents understand why she did that. Fair enough, Bay needed an excuse why Megan Fox wouldn't be in this film, but really they should've left it with her being in the garage and replace english chick with someone else, maybe the parents?

Also, the Decepticons really start killing humans in this one. Like gunning them down, stomping on them, you see skulls and bones in this movie and people evaporating.

I had Terminator flashbacks when i saw those scenes and also they dont make any sense. The Decepticons need slaves torebuild Cybertron, right?What do they do to these slaves? Blow them up. i'm not kidding, they are blowing up the entirety of Chicago for no real reason!

Also, it's kinda stupid how people know suddnely know about the Transformers, they are ungrateful to the Autobots? Sentinel Prime after his defection announces to the world that they should bannish the Autobots and the Decepticons will leave, scout's honour. So after the Autbot's their spaceship gets blown up, three guesses what happens?

Honestly, people are stupid...I mean this is the same gratitude the Marvel-verse citizens ahve for their superheroes. Bloody hell...

But now your thinking, why would Sentinel Prime help the guys who shot him up? Yeh, that's the big plothole. Also how does the matrix of leadership work if Sentinel Prime left Cybertron? Did he give it to Optimus before he left? Sentinel Prime and Megatron made a deal to find a planet where they would get resources and manual labor. So they find Earth and...well Cybertron is pretty big, and not even 6 billion humans will be enough to rebuild that shit We're to goddamn small! also most of us aren't Engineers or Computer experts, nor do I think Earth has enough metal to rebuild Cybertorn's lost cities.

Back on track, Megatron even says Sentinel Prime and he were in cahoots back during the war! So why the fuck did the Decepticons shoot at that spaceship if Megatron wanted it to be left alone? Also, I dont see why Sentinel Prime should help since there were only ten autobots left in the galaxy, including him The decepticons are fellow inhabitants of Cybertron yeh, but seriously their species is already dying. Doesn't help Sentinel killed Ironhide.

A lot of Transformers die in this film, really. Soundwave dies, Starscream dies (by Sam Witwicky no less), Iron Hide, some Einstein Autobot (roll with it, hahaha get it?) and Megatron. Hell, Optimus loses an arm in all of this.

Same goes with humans, a lot of them die horribly in this flick. Hell, the amrines get shot down from their transports or fall off buildings or they get zapped and turned into ash like in War of the Worlds.( then again, Steven Spielberg is an executive producer on this.)

The first two acts are pretty much the same as the previous films, stupid scenes with to much focus on the stupid humans and their problems then giant robots. Hell, Megatron barely appears in this film! And he looks like a hobo in it, to! However, the third act and the climax are worth it, defiantly worth it. As long you dont see it in 3d, that's pushing it.

Dont get me wrong, the plot is stupid and the human characters 2 dimensional and the scene where the decepticons blow the shit out of the humans is quite gruesome, it's still pretty good and even on par with the 1st film. Sadly, there is no epic fight between Optimus and Megatron (there is a fight but it's over in five seconds flat) but the fight with Sentinel Prime makes up for it.

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