Dead Space 2: Break-Fast
Chapter One: Frosted Flakes
Written by AFriendlyNecromorph
Something is not right in the Dead Space universe. Nothing makes sense, and our heroes must fight through nonsense, outside references, innuendos, randomness, excessiveness, and stupidity. The humanity... Who will survive the Outbreak-fast?
Bad Guy: "I'm...dying...must...find...something...sugary...to...eat. Wait. Can it be? (Slowly and dramatically crawls closer). Yes it is! A chocolate pudding cup! All I need is a bowl of Frosted Flakes and a glass of orange juice, and I'll have a well-balanced and unstoppably evil breakfast! Muhahaahaha! Ahahahaahha! MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Isaac: "No! We have to destroy his breakfast!"
Ellie: "How?! It's in the Government Sector!"
Isaac: "Just look around for a convenient plot-device!"
Ellie: "How about this?" (Holds up a Teleporter from Halo 3).
Isaac: "That's perfect! Let's go!"
Stross: "No! I have to make Ellie see, first!"
Isaac: "NOT NOW!" (Kicks Stross into bottomless pit).
Stross: (Falling). "Worst plot-twist ever!"
Ellie: "Oh my God!"
Isaac: "I had to do it!"
Ellie: "No, not that! Look over there!" (Points in direction).
Isaac: "Oh my God! They killed Kenny!"
Ellie: "You bastards!"
Isaac: "Alright, that's enough outside references...for now. ;)" (Smiles and winks at camera).
Ellie: "In the interest of time..."
Isaac: "Hurry! We're running out of time!"
Ellie: (Silently stares at Isaac).
Isaac: "Will you come already!?"
Ellie: "That's what she said!" (Plays this on her drums).
Isaac: "Awww...you totally set me up for that one! :D"
Ellie: "Lol, I know! XD"
Isaac: "Where did you get those drums?"
Ellie: "Yard sale. Half-off."
Ellie: "If you think these are nice, you should check out my other set. ;)"
Isaac: "Yeah?" (Flirting). "Well, maybe you should shred on my guitar. It's big, heavy, and-"
Isaac and Ellie: O_O
Isaac: "Maybe we should leave now."
Isaac: "Just go through..."
Ellie: "What is it, Isaac?"
Isaac: "OH MY GOD...TH-"
(Camera cuts to Stross at the bottom of the bottomless pit...wait...what?)
Stross: "Stay tuned for Chapter 2 of Dead Space 2: Break-Fast. What did Isaac see? Will they stop "Bad Guy"? Will I make it out of this pit? Will Will and Jada get divorced? If I only knew..."
(Scene fades to black).