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Dead Spazz: The Guffauw

1onskates November 7, 2010 User blog:1onskates

DEAD SPACE EXTRACTION.


Lexine: Warren, Warren, Warren!

Warren: What.

Lexine: I know we are navigating through a dark passage, but are those your loose fatfolds carressing my ankle?

Warren:Why I ne-

Weller:Slasher. SLASHER . OMMFA! Slasher.

Lexine- When?

Nathan:Shut Up bitch, they are obviuously the colonists.

Lexine:Where?

Warren: OOh, look a blue one.

Weller: dont fucking touch that.

Weller: WHY?

Lexine: How.

Nathan: Dumbass brunettes.

(MISHEARD TALKING)

Nathan: What was that?

(more misheard talking)

& the 4 of them silently snuck over to the room where the noise was coming from.

they opened the door.

Lexine: OH MY SHIT, GIANT RED ONE!

Nathan: Will you just shut the fuck up, its a checker piece.

Lexine: where?

Weller: this isn't happening.

Nathan points his finger at the survivors.

Nathan: Who are you.

Survivors: My Ass.

Nathan: fuck you, we're going, come on guys.

Survivors: We HAVE Facebook!

Lexine: TWITTER!

Warren: Face BOOK!

Nathan: why are you guys down here, i bet the survivors are at the ishimura.

Survivors: we are pissed because the damn unitologists got oil all over our scrimps 'an now tis ain't worth a damn penny of an ol' slimin newspaper, bes side on Aegis 7 but with that urrl on my Scrimp!

Nathan: Okay

A slasher can be heard charging towars them.

AAARGH!!!

AarrGHHH!!

Lexine: it sounds like its trying to tell a story.

Warren: dont you mean dialouge.

Lexine: i thought that was a flavor?>

AARGH!!!

Weller: it sounds like its tryin to say somethin.

Nathan: i'll go first, hear hand me that 'cutter.

nathan awkwardly tiptoes out of the room trying to concel his crothch since he previously had a boner.

Nathan: who's there?

AAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nathan: wht?

the slasher confronts him, BUT IT TALKS!

Nathan: who are you?

Slasher: PISSS! PISSS! PISSSS COMIN FROM MY ASSS!

Nathan: oh shit, zombies!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nathan rushed beack inside the door.

Nathan: open the door! open the motherfuckin door!

Slasher: PISSSSS! PISS IN THE ASSSSSSSS!

SLasher: PISSS IN THE ASSES!!!!!

Nathan: let the fuckin door open.

the door suddenly opened.

(one of the colonists were aroused, and warren had mild opaque whit plashes of fluid on his face and neck.)

Nathan: we ahce to get the fuck outta here!

Lexine: When?

Slasher: PISS ASS, ASSS IN THE PISSS.

Nathan: everybody out now!!!!!!!!

everyone rushed out of the room in order to find the nearest exit.

Lexine: i didn't know you ordered a fried monkey!!!!!

Nathan: Nah bitch its my dick, now go to the exit!!!!!!

Nathan reveals the exit as every rushes onto the nearby shuttle.

Lexine: is it a birthday surprise? for me !?

Nathan: ( rubbing his hand down his eyebrows) ugh!!! go get in the fag?

Lexine: what did you just c'all my momma.

Nathan: dumb-ass, its the name of the ship!!!

Lexine: your welcome!!!!!!!!! lexine ran off to the shuttle.

Meanwhile:

SLAHER: AAAARGH, AAAARGH, GANSTA GRIZZAABBBAS!

Nathan: ALL right, here goes.

nathan leveled the plasma cutter, which hadnt any aiming sights and leveled it with the creatures face.

he pulled the trigger.

Nathan: I GOTS YA NOW, BIATCH!!!!!!!!!!!

nothing happened.

Nathan yelled out loud

Nathan: WTFFFFFFFFFF IS THIS?

Weller snuck up behind Nathan.

Weller: ONly the second best thing ever. it came when i preordered bed space. ITS A VIBRATOR!

Slasher: PISSS!! COMIN FROM MY ASSS!!!!

tHE SLASHER CHARGED TOWARDS THE TWO.

ALL OF A SUDDEN.........

UNKNOWN SURVIVOR: MY SCRIMP HAS URRRL ON ON-IT!

The pice of shrimp boomed through the air and blew up the whole facility on contact with the slasher.

Luckily everyone survives.

Nathan crawls into the USM Fag.

they lift off the ground and head towards the USG Usedhimen

Lexine: maybe we should turn to the left, you know, away from all of this.

All of a sudden a slasher appears.

It mauls wller while he is another room.

AAACGH!!!

ACK!!

Nathan: is he all right.

Warren: i dont know.

Lexine: go check it out.

Nathan and warren split up en route to wellers room.

Warren: i found him.

Nathan: really? what does he want?

Warren: He said he want some from Top of the River.

Nathan: we arent even visitng a resturant. Will you ask him again.

Warren: i dont wanna. : C

Lexine: i dont either.

Nathan: will you shut the fuck UP already bitch.

Warren: all someone could ask for, is some good air conditioning. It smells like ass 'n birthday cake up in this bitch.

Weller bursts out of his room with his jaw hanging by a thread.

A slasher sneaks up on Nathan an rips the majority of his hair off.

Nathan: AWW Shit!!!!

Slasher: PISS IN THE ASS! THE ASS! ASSS!!!

Nathan: JUST SHUT YOUR FUCKIN NUTS ALREADY.

Weller: i brought some chips!

Lexine: alright! fish bitches!!!

Slasher: Pissssss!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nathan: eat this you fucker!!!

nathans blasts away at the necromorph with AK-47 BEFORE IT RUNS SHORT OF AMMO.

A brute begins to beat down lexine with its paws.

Nathan:WYF?

Weller: but i-I BROUGHT SOME CHIPS!!!!

Warren: well you shoulda brought more!!!!!!!!

warren hits the self-destruct button and the ship is about to crash into the ishimuras engine.

Lexine: country accent- th'at thure shippin's 'bout to raneded ovr by our flyin truck rights in its mossehole.

Nathan: Who? aww fuck, i got what what she's got.

Wller and Warren: trhe secret's in the rabbit sauce!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2 seconds away from destruction, the USM Fag was about to crash into the biggerer one.

Lexine had one last word of wisdom.

Lexone: WHY DONT YOU NOODLES LICK SOME RHINOCEROUS BALLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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